I'm Off Their List!

Posted by Jon in HB | 6:33 AM | 7 comments »

About a year ago, right before Easter, I was at home sitting in front of the computer on a Tuesday afternoon. I looked out the office window and saw the swarm. We were under attack. Jehovah's Witnesses making their way up down the street. I had two options...fight or flight. I could close the shades and slither from room to room on my belly hoping to not be seen. Or I could answer the door and deal with them. I quickly minimized the screen on the computer and Googled "how to witness to a Jehovah's Witness". I started reading over several articles, all stating that subtlety was the key; confrontation would do no good. I read that they believe that Jesus is actually Michael the Arch-Angel, and while He is the son of God, He is not God in the human form and not to be worshiped as God is. "Hogwash", I said to my self! Then their was a knock at the door.

I decided to play dumb. I answered the door and a nice woman in her mid fifties asked me how I was doing. After a few pleasantries back and forth, she asked if she could share something with me. I said sure. She pulled a bible from her purse and read something from Revelations about how bad the world was, but how it would all be better one day, and people who believed, would be with God. Sounded good to me. Then I started to probe. Somehow we got to the topic of Jesus and I explained that I heard that they thought Jesus and Michael were one and the same and not actually God in human form. She tried to explain that a bit. My questions were now coming rapid fire and she was getting tripped up on some of the answers. She then gave me a book. It was like their field guide to witnessing. It was full of their beliefs and common questions people might ask them and the response they were supposed to give. I thanked her and she left and said she would be back later to check on me.

It took a long time for Gina to forgive me.

You see Gina is home most of the time and I'm at work. My new friend would check in on me once a month, only to discover I was not at home. At one point, doubting my absence she craned her neck around Gina to see if there were any signs of me in the house. As if I was belly crawling from one room to the next to avoid her. (I only did that once, it was in my short-lived college days and I was avoiding the paper boy that I owed several months of subscription money, but that's another blog altogether.)

Well, last week we were finally reunited. She came with back up this time. The two of them came to the door and once again shared a verse about how only the saved would avoid the gloom and doom of the last days, to which I retorted, "Amen!" I returned her book and she asked me if I had any questions. I told her that I found it very interesting but I had some strong disagreements with their beliefs that Jesus and God were not one in the same.
She was quite for a moment. I don't think that was the response that she was expecting.
I gave her a piece of paper with some scripture that I believed made my case and told her to read them and pray on it.

She had a gleam in her eye and very excitedly quoted John 1:1, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." She explained that this was often misused to claim that Jesus was the Word and that the Word was God. Instead she explained that it was a mistranslation and should read the "Word was a god". I stopped her and said that wasn't on my list that I handed her. She seemed disappointed. You see, this is their biggest argument.

She then quickly turned to the back of the book, and pointed out a chapter that was all "misused" scripture that people used to attack Jehovah's Witnesses with. I told her that the passages I gave her were not among those in the book.

She turned white and began to stammer. "We're not here to debate", she said.

I asked her to open her bible and turn to 1 Timothy 3:16 while I got my Bible. I then asked her to read it aloud.
God was manifested in the flesh,
Justified in the Spirit,
Seen by angels,
Preached among the Gentiles,
Believed on in the world,
Received up in glory.

There was silence. She then started to flip through the pages to look for another verse to combat the last. I stopped her and said, "We're not here to debate, just read through those on your own and pray on them."

She tried to talk more as I nicely said good bye and shut the door.

Now I don't think that she'll be showing up at my church on Sunday and making the altar call.

But, I think I'm off her list and she won't be visiting anymore.

The Greatest Game Ever Played!

Posted by Jon in HB | 9:15 AM | 7 comments »

This truly is the greatest game ever played. And so much more exciting than Lakers! Down to the wire yesterday! And just two men and 18 holes to determine the champion today. Amazing! I'll take Tiger over Kobe anyday!

Watch out Pixar!

Posted by Jon in HB | 8:50 AM | 4 comments »

DreamWorks is finally showing itself as worthy rival!

We saw Kung Fu Panda last night. It was great! Now I'm on record as never liking a computer animated movie unless it was made by those geniuses over at Pixar. I own all the Pixar movies; Bug's Life, Toy Story 1 & 2, Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc., The Incredibles, Cars, and Ratatouille. I have found all other attempts to create a movie as well as those has fallen short. I hated Madagascar. The characters were horribly drawn the voices didn’t work for me and there was a lot of potty humor. Don’t get me wrong a love potty humor, Benny Hill is one of my all time favorites, I just don’t want it in my computer-animated movies. Over the Hedge had some plot problems, The Bee movie was poorly drawn…I could go on and on.

But Kung Fu Panda had it all. They even animated the DreamWorks title shot in the same theme as the movie. The opening dream sequence was beautifully drawn with rich textures and had a Kabuki look to it. The characters were well drawn and their movements worked well. There was the proper felling of weight and mass with each one. The lighting was as good as anything John Lasseter has done. The slow motion shots rivaled any Ang Lee movie. And the Kung Fu sequences look like Bruce Lee choreographed them. The voices were perfectly cast. And the landscapes were gorgeous. Great plot with a couple of nice little messages that did not seem trite or hit you over the head. Jack Black was very funny in a subtle way; they didn’t let him go too far with it. This wasn’t a showcase for any of the actors’ usual shtick.

Great movie! I would gladly purchase the DVD and let it sit on the same shelf as my Pixar collection

The Block is Broken

Posted by Jon in HB | 8:32 AM | 3 comments »

So, staying true to my word, I will now blog about all the topics that were suggested.


I have a great friend. You would really like her. She is funny, charming, smart and really caring. She is very organized. She always is on top of everything and has a memory like an elephant. She is the greatest mom. She’s always getting them to and from all there activities on time. She knows what they need had has it ready before they even ask…wait, I’m sorry…this was supposed to be about Kristi. Let me come back to her later. I started thinking about somebody else there in the middle.


Ok, here it goes…
1. With two kids I rarely go to the movies. Last two I saw were Indiana Jones 4 (already reviewed that) and Prince Caspian. I took Dylan to see it. We read the book together. It was pretty good, we liked it; but so hard to fit that huge story into two hours. Saw National Treasure 2 last night. Good wholesome movie! Action packed, no four letter words, or sex. Great family fun!
2. Last year while demo-ing our guest bath, some tiles on the wall of the master bath fell off the wall and the hole is patched right now with some black duct tape. Also, when I was a kid I helped my dad by holding the flashlight while he attempted to relight the furnace. We both were missing eyebrows for weeks because of the fireball.
3. My refrigerator rarely has rotten food in it. Working in the food industry, I’m am very aware of the status of food and it’s shelf life. Although about a month ago I took everything out of the fridge for a deep cleaning and I found a slice of pizza in aluminum foil that had fallen behind a drawer. The kids didn’t know that green fur was a pizza topping.
4. I don’t have a clue what I will be for Halloween next year. I don’t usually dress for it. I just polled the kids and Dylan wants to be a ghost and Megan wants to be Ariel.
5. Costco…
1. Hate new hours, I wish they still opened at 9am
2. Love all the cookbooks they sell
3. Love everything in bulk
4. Hate the lines to check out
5. Hate looking for parking
6. Love the samples
7. Love the little old sample ladies
8. Love the meat & seafood selections
9. Love all things Kirkland
10. Love the fact that we have enough toilet paper in the garage to survive a nuclear winter

6. People don’t realize that their bad driving has a huge effect on our society as a whole. (is that ok?)
7. I haven’t seen that Jerry Springer yet, sorry!
8. I am not a basketball fan in the least. Last time I was following basketball, was in the eighties when Larry Bird and Kareem were playing. My dad was from Indiana and went to MIT, which meant we had to cheer the Celtics. Plus, I love their parkay flooring.
9. I’m not so much concerned with the whole sunscreen in the kids eye thing. I would rather know why can’t science come up with something that you don’t have to reapply every 45 min. Why can’t I lube up before 18 holes and not have to worry about it again? I always have a burnt neck after a day of golf. And that smell! Why do they have to scent everything? Why can’t it be odorless?
10. I hate putting tuperware away. I don’t mind doing the dishes or unloading the dishwasher. But every piece of tuperware looks the same to me and the cabinet they go in is a pit! Nothing stacks right and the lids are never there. Everything ends up falling on the floor, I hate it!
11. I enjoy horror B-movie titles…
1. I Dismember Mama
2. Geek Maggot Bingo
3. Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
4. Rabid Grannies
5. The Brain that Wouldn’t Die
6. Thou Shall Not Kill…Except

As for Kristi and Heidi’s squablings…and to answer Laurel’s idea of a solution that would lead to world peace, I have this to say…Remember ladies, this is MY blog. It’s all about me. Please air your rantings toward each other somewhere else. Please focus on me!

This might tear your heart out. My shyness around women all goes back to Freshman year of High School. It was the time when everyone was making plans for the big Winter Semi-Formal dance. I was so nervous to ask someone out. I finally got up the nerve to call Jill Bade, mostly because she was one of the few girls that was shorter than me. The conversation went something like this…

Jon: Hi, Jill?

Jill: Yes, this is Jill. Who’s this?

Jon: Jon Michell.

Jill: Oh, hi Jon. What’s up?

Jon: Well, I was wondering if you’d like to go to the semi formal with me?

Jill: (uncontrallble laughing) No, really what do you want? (More laughing)

Jon: click

My wife is awesome! She loves her kids and her man everyday! She is strong minded and says what she thinks. She makes me laugh. She takes care of me. She makes me smile. And she didn’t laugh when I asked her out!

I Got Nuthin!

Posted by Jon in HB | 9:49 AM | 7 comments »

Is my life that dull and boring...why can't I compose a simple little blog? Concerts I've been to? No, Gina already took care of that. Virtual practical jokes? No, been there, done that. Tell my friends what I really think of them? No, too cruel. Thoughts on my kids' last day of school? No, too sappy. Answers to life's biggest questions? No, I'm not that deep. Thoughts on Bravo's latest reality series? No, too gay. Our summer travel plans? No, I don't even know what we're gonna do all summer anyway!

AHRG!!! Why can't I think? Think...think...think man, THINK!

I give up!

You tell me! Give me a topic and I'll blog. I'll take all comments. There is nothing too shallow...nothing too deep. Nothing to personal...nothing too boring. You request it...I'll blog it!