FREE DOG

Posted by Jon in HB | 9:20 AM | 7 comments »


I'm giving away only one, so hurry up and be the first one to contact me or you might miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity!
If you want a myopic, eighty-nine year old, dirty-white, American Eskimo, she's yours.
You must be willing to deal with a few issues. She eats only boiled chicken, plain rice cakes, and outrageously expensive kibble that can only be bought from her vet. You must be ok with non stop barking that sounds like an elderly woman that has smoked since she was twelve. Periodic vomit, that is really just her last six drinks of water with a few blades of grass, must not upset you. Flatulence so bad that GITMO, has deemed it cruel and unusual punishment must not be a problem for you. She has absolutely no concept of where she is, in relation to other objects in the room. This causes her to walk too slowly in front of you or, makes her try to occupy the space that you are currently occupying. You should be willing to scrape crud out of her Sammy Davis Jr. eyes every forty-five minutes. And please, do not forget to administer her phenobarbital every morning or theses issues may worsen!

If interested, call me ASAP. And please, don't tell Gina or her grandmother about this. It will be our little secret. I just have to figure out what to tell them!

Tough Conversations

Posted by Jon in HB | 8:20 PM | 4 comments »


Tomorrow is a day of remembrance at Dylan and Megan's school. All the kids will be wearing red, white, and blue and there will be a moment of silence. At dinner tonight we were talking about it. Megan asked what we will be remembering tomorrow. Gina explained that it is a day to remember a bunch of people that died.
The kids immediately began listing names of dead relatives. "You mean like Grandma Birdie?" "Are we remembering Grandpa Gundry?"
Gina and I started to explain it, but just tapped danced around the subject. I guess we felt that it was too much for a kindergartner and a second grader to digest during family dinner.
Then I thought, where do I want my children to hear about important things like 9/11? From friends making casual comments about it, or wait until they get old enough to surf the web and come across idiotic conspiracy theories like 'Loose Change'?

So I began to explain it to them as best as I could and realized how do you sum up such a horrific cowardly act to your child. How do you make them understand that there are people in this world that hate them, simply because of where there were born. How do you explain to them that tomorrow they might see mommies, daddies, teachers and friends cry for people they never met. How do you make them feel safe and let them know this won't happen to them. How do you let them know that there won't be terrorists on our plane in October when we travel to Indiana for their Great-Grandmother's 100th birthday party.

I guess you just do your best. You put it plainly and simply and if they have more questions, they'll ask. And at the end of the night you tuck them into bed, kiss their check, and snuggle them a little tighter, and pray.

Seriously?

Posted by Jon in HB | 8:18 PM | 0 comments »


Is this really all there was to talk about in the news today?

I cannot wait until the first Wednesday of November.

Life after ALF

Posted by Jon in HB | 7:48 PM | 2 comments »

I always wondered what happened to the dad on ALF.







Apparently he's changed his name to Joe and he's stumping for McCain.